Linking up with the biological family.

Many of us feel a little nervous at the thought of our children growing up and searching for their birth parents. Although we have come to terms with the idea and it is not something we fear, there is a certain uneasiness that goes with linking up. This letter from an adoptee is very heart-warming for adopters.

“I was adopted at a young age. From the start my parents were honest and open about the situation and always made me feel good about being adopted. As I got older I needed to know more. I wanted to know why my mother didn’t want me. It wasn’t long before I found my ‘real’ mother. My mother had married my biological father and I also had a younger brother and sister. I visited them and much to my surprise I was made to feel like a member of their family. Even though I have a wonderful relationship with my biological family, I realize that my real home is with my adopted parents. I came back after my visit feeling complete at last and lucky that I had been adopted by such wonderful people.

- “Proud to be adopted”

WHOA! Before you call or search for the organisation mentioned below (AdopTrace), take a break. I tried to contact them and it has been almost impossible. I have got through to a 'surgeon' who knows nothing about the subject. I'll get onto it right away and get back to you on this one.

AdopTrace is a Cape Town (South African) based organisation which was started in 1996 by a keen and enthusiastic adoptee and her birth mother who saw the need for adults and adopted teenagers to handle their feelings about the effects adoption may have on their lives.

Support is offered by means of:

• A helpful friendly telephone contact service

• Group meetings

These provide an opportunity for adopted people, adoptive and birth parents to talk freely with others who have had personal experience of adoption.

AdopTrace offers a computerized Adoption Contact Register. This was instituted to facilitate tracing because in the past record keeping was not as accurate as today and much information is missing.

Some records only included the name and date of birth of the birth mother. First names were mostly incorrect as birth mothers were normally advised to use an alternative name to protect their identities. To compound this major problem is the fact that a lot of adoption files have been destroyed.

The AdopTrace computer is indexed by date and place of birth and effective registrations can easily be made by birth parents, adoptive parents and adopted people.

There is a registration fee which is kept low to ensure that all wishing to register can do so.

Families of deceased adopted children or birth parents are encouraged to register them free of charge on the system.

AdopTrace wishes are to provide

• Support to an adopted person leading up to a meeting with their birth families.

• Encouragement and support during contact

• Counseling done by people who have been affected by adoption. They will be able to identify with your feeling and emotions as they speak from experience and not text books.

• Offers birth parents the chance to discuss the frustrations caused by no knowing what became of their baby.

• Ensure that, by registration on the network, birth parents are easy for their children to find.

• Help birth parents cope with the feelings that can arise following meetings with their children.

• Reassure adopted parents that adopted children wishing to contact their birth parents do so in order to understand themselves better and not because they are unhappy with their adoptive families.