TELLING

Part 2 - Choosing the Words

Be on the look out to talk about adoption.

Someone is pregnant and a general conversation about babies growing inside their mothers can lead on to how your child grew inside their birth mother’s tummy.

The pet expecting a litter: finding homes for family pets can lead to a discussion about the care with which you look for a safe, loving home like the social worker did for your child.

Adoption in the press or on TV. “Look, this person is adopted – just like you”. Make a collection of adult adoptees who are well known or successful.

Friends or acquaintances who have adopted children: Seek out other adoptive families (through your social worker). I have found this to be immensely useful with my own two kids. I joined a group when my son was 4 and my daughter newborn and we still, today, 11 years later, keep in contact occasionally. It has really helped to say ‘so-and-so is also adopted’ – specifically children that they know.

Re-occurrences of situations, and events that happened around crucial adoption moments:

“There was a thunderstorm, rainbow, heat-wave just like the day we first heard about you”. If nothing memorable happened, make something up!

Make and maintain a life-story book, especially for a child not adopted at birth.

I have kept detail of everything that has happened in their lives and I feel, because I cannot offer too much of the ‘before’, they certainly have not lost anything since the day they were born.

Make up a family tree that shows both adopted and birth family members. Not always possible, but may be useful if and when the need arises.

Use the word adopted regularly when talking to the baby or young child.

Use books. Keep a look out for story books and novels about adoption for children and young people. (See the recommended literature under “Adoption News”)

Make your own special story for your child.