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Do adopted children need special handling? Of course they do! Recent studies indicate that infants show signs of withdrawal after only one hour of separation from their birth-mother. In the case where emotional loss is experienced by children due to separation from their birth parents can cause bonding problems. When constantly stressed by separation, a child eventually learns not to rely on his parents, but to take comfort in whatever way he can. With the more modern approach to adoption, babies are adopted within hours of birth with some adoptive parents even being present during delivery and bonding problems are alleviated. In infant births some adopters may find it difficult to bond with a baby that they did not deliver themselves. Some of the saddest adoptions are cases where the personality of the child and the parents do not suit one another. Sometimes the family seems to be quite successful on the surface, but underneath both parent and child is baffled, frustrated and deeply disappointed by their inability to understand one another’s point of view. Parental ambitions for a child can also be problematic to the development of healthy family relationships. Children certainly need homes that will give them opportunities, but to live under the shadow of parental ambition or to find oneself a disappointment is a terrible burden for a young person to bear. It is almost bound to create a damaging sense of inferiority. Adoptive parents have a need to be aware of what child development is about, much more so than parents who are raising their own children. With biological children you can allow intuition full sway, except when things go wrong or when a child shows signs of illness. Adopted children need to be thought of even when they are healthy. Adoptive parents may need to make special efforts to keep open the channels of communication between themselves and their children. They will want their children to feel free to turn to them with questions on any subject, to bring out any doubts or uncertainties, and express about love, hate or confusion. It is all too easy for parents and children to lose touch with one another’s deeper feelings, and to communicate only on a superficial level. The adopted child must be surrounded with all the necessary conditions for healthy growth. Love offered but not forced. Parents will have to give and give without stint, but their reward and satisfaction will be great. As a result of their early and special situations adopted children are apt to be more vulnerable to emotional upsets, fears and anxieties, though they seldom need different handling, they do need more of the good things all children should have.
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