DO YOU LET YOUR CHILD SLEEP IN YOUR BED OR NOT?

Is it unusual for a mother to want to bring her newborn baby into bed with her at night? To hold this tiny infant close to her, to take in the warm scent of a baby, to hold him close, to protect him from the cold and to make him feel secure so that both mother and child will get a good nights rest?

Or do you place your newborn into a cot, swathed in blankets, and then lie in your own bed, deprived of sleep for all the wondering and worrying if your child is still breathing, cold, uncomfortable or scared. You rise several times and place your hand close to the child’s nose and mouth to feel the warmth of the child’s breath, or watch the rise and fall of his chest. Or you just stare and watch for movement to confirm all is well.

No sooner have you managed to doze off when your infant awakens, and you’re up changing the baby, breastfeeding or worse, preparing bottles in the hours when you should be getting some rest so that you are able to cope with the next day.

A controversial subject indeed! So what do we do? Do we have a family bed or not? Professionals often advise against this for varied reasons, to encourage independence in a young child as early as possible, to allow parents to have ‘space’, and to avoid suffocating the baby.

Studies conducted into the dangers of sleeping in a family bed included SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), and although no cause was found, professionals continue their scrutiny.

According to researchers, babies who use dummies have a lower risk of dying of cot death. The overall risk of cot death can be reduced by half. A dummy (pacifier), it is suggested, helps protect babies from being smothered by bedding. In Britain parents have been advised for the first time to use dummies, while in the US such advice has been around for some time. The British Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths is based on research evidence showing that on average, the use of dummies halves cot deaths and may cut the risk by as much as 90%. – Sources: Foundation for the Study of Infant Death, and South African Medical Research Council.

British mental-health expert, Margot Sutherland, says invite your young children back into your bed. Based on 800 scientific studies, her journal 'The Science of Parenting', says that co-sleeping with children until they are five years old is an investment in them. She says that children can have separation anxiety up to the age of five and even older, which can affect them negatively in later life. Her studies have also found that moving children into their own cot at a few weeks old increases the release of the stress hormone cortisol, which makes them restless and upset.

There are however, certain dangers when placing an infant in bed with you. Great caution should be taken if an adult uses drugs or sleeping pills or if the adult is intoxicated, as this will induce a deeper sleep, causing risk to a young baby.

A recent US study has found that cot padding does more harm than good, according to Sunday Times (October 14, 2007). Using the publicly available databases of the Consumer Product Safety Commission for 1985 to 2005, it was found that 27 infants, aged one month to two years, had suffocated when they became wedged against bumpers in cots or were strangled by a bumper tie around the neck. Dr Bradley Thach, lead author and a professor of paediatrics at Washington University in St Louis said "Since they can cause death and don't seem to protect the baby from serious injury, crib bumpers should not be used."

Many countries encourage the infant to sleep alongside the mother, reasons varying from custom beliefs to shortage of beds in the household. Good bonds are believed to form and results in both mother and child being relaxed.

Personally, if I could start all over again, I would keep my children in bed with me for the first few months. Both my children were winter babies and as all South Africans will know, our homes are freezing in winter. The process of getting out of a warm bed in these cold temperatures, several times per night, to heat bottles, change baby, rocking baby back to sleep, and then trying to resume some sleep myself, when no sooner had my own temperature reached normal levels, it was time to get up again and start the cycle all over. This resulted in me having a severe cold for the entire 3 months of winter. Never mind the sleep deprivation!

As the children grew older, they would occasionally climb into our bed and sometimes fall asleep. Although I carried them back to bed at times, there were also times when I left them sleeping (to the detriment of my own sleep!) When they reached the age of about 5, they would sometimes bring their bedding along and make a cosy bed next to ours. Although I secretly enjoyed this ritual myself, I did question whether it was the right thing to do. My husband never hesitated as he said “Enjoy this, it won’t be long before they will not be seen dead sleeping in the same room as Mum and Dad. And I think he was right.

So has this ritual made my kids insecure and lacking in confidence? No. Quite the opposite actually. They are both confident and self-assured.

Whatever you decide, both partners must agree. Find a method that works for you. You may want to even have a ‘camping night’ in your bedroom once a month as a special treat for your young children. They will LOVE it! Nothing wrong!