Secrecy or Not?

The effects of secrecy on the lives of biological parents, their families and their adopted children was explored on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

It is hoped that adoption today is no longer about secrecy. Through openness, birth mothers are able to request to meet the people who are adopting their baby, and to provide a good deal of information about herself and the child’s father.

As many adoptions today are 'open', there is often the opportunity for exchange of information, letters and photographs which will lead to a more open and honest approach, enabling adopted children to grow up much better informed about their origins.

All families have a skeleton in the cupboard which, in spite of years and years of secrecy, has a habit of popping out.

More than ever before, has it become clear that openess and honesty is so very important for the adopted child. Your child has the right to know that he is adopted and it is not in the interest of the child to try and conceal his identity. If the subject is dealt with at an early stage, it becomes easier for both parties concerned (the adopter and the adoptee) to accept.

Often, the fear of 'telling' a child that he is adopted is what instills a delay in tackling this task, and this may prompt your thoughts to perhaps keeping it a secret. Many years ago, this subject was under lock and key, and perhaps so because of not knowing how to go about it and the fear of the child not loving his parents once he had found out. But research has shown that the adoptee will at some stage find out and the knowledge of the parents having kept this secret can have devastating effects. A child that knows of his adoption from an early age, can, together, with his family work through the stages, bit by bit, and grow to understand, love and appreciate the honesty of the family.

There are many ways that one can handle this fear and ideas are mentioned within this website. Tackle it and move on from there!

This is not to say that your child's adoptive status should be shouted from the rooftops! One needs to exercise diplomacy and caution with whom the topic is discussed. This subject is again dealt with in various articles throughout the website.

MIXED RACE FAMILIES

The importance of bringing into the open, a person’s racial background is emphasized. The mixed heritage of a child needs to be discussed for the child to feel connected to his entire past, his roots. It is important for him to feel connected to both of his cultural roots to form a complete concept of his identity.

More information will appear soon on mixed race families and delightful stories will be told. If you have one of your own, let me know. Would love to hear from you!